Everything Happens For A Reason?  

Posted by Jessica in ,

I only slept about 4 hours last night, if that. I had a lot on my mind and one of my ways with coping with anxiety is to watch Six Feet Under (SFU), a truly beautiful tv show. SFU is just a beautiful show for so many reasons. Wonderful storylines, perfect actors, and so many lessons to learn from the show.

Today, I didn't get home until 10:45pm. It was a long day but it made me realize a few things. I realize that I have many people in my life who are significant helps to me and don't even realize it. Whether it is taking my mind off of my current stresses by making me laugh or engaging me in some conversation that challenges the way I view the world (topics of the day were globalization and Borderline Personality Disorder), I have many people in my life, some of them just regular friends, but all of them people I will cherish when my time in Pocatello comes to an end.

I've been struggling with some recent decisions I have made recently and sent an email of apology earlier today. While I am fully convinced my apology wasn't not only NOT accepted but this person hates my guts, I had a good friend remind me that I should "never doubt the power of sincerity."

One of my mantra's and something I obviously stole is "everything happens for a reason." For most of my life I have uttered that to myself to help myself cope. I also use it to remind myself to search out the lessons I need to learn when I am dealing with something difficult.

Lately, I have been wondering if that is my mantra because I HAVE to believe it to make some sense out of all the horrors I have experienced. I began questioning one of the only things that has helped me deal with so much bad. I am not upset that I am grappling with this, I believe grappling is one of the greatest things a person can do. However, I am upset that something that is really a foundation for my healing is now something that may not be true.

Yet, though I have grappled with this more in the last week than I have every other time in my life combined, I find myself saying, "everything happens for a reason" more often now than ever before.


Post a Comment