Well, I'm pretty nervous for the press conference tomorrow, though my best friend is coming with me to show support. I have such awesome friends, I am very lucky. I'll make sure and post any pictures I take and let you know my thoughts about it all tomorrow.

Today, I was sitting in the student union building and someone from the Idaho State Journal approached me and asked me if I had read "the letter." I hadn't and had no idea what he was talking about. So, he handed me a hard copy of this and I read it. Looks like there are still some issues between the ISU Administration and some of the faculty. Will the drama ever end?

Last night I think I had my fill of the politics on ISU's campus. I have spent countless hours the last few weeks involved in student elections-including one day where I spent 17 hours on campus soliciting votes for two people I supported (the first day of voting). The next day I only spent 12 hours (the last day of voting)! Anyways, I think I may be burned out and I am experiencing some other things (hurt feelings) related to the issues on campus that I don't really want to write about. So, upon talking to my good friend, I think I may start focusing on my studying for my comprehensive exams which take place next friday. If you pray, pray for me!

Sunday night I only slept 2 hours and spent a lot of time on ISU's campus on monday and then I finally came home around 9:30pm and fell asleep around 11pm and then I woke up around 1am and now, here I am, not able to fall back asleep. My mom says I have weird sleep habits. Maybe she's right.

I may also be having issues with sleep as my best friend is moving next week to Boise, another one of my good friends is still pissed that I support outing Larry Craig, and I truly feel as though I am so out of place and out of whack right now (I value consistency and stability and I am lacking those two things in certain areas of my life), I am not sure which way is up and which way is down. I need to do what I do best and that is detach myself from the bad and focus on school, my internship, and finding a job post graduation.

For the first time in years, I walked home from class, a class I couldn't even attend, without listening to my iPod. I was so out of it, I don't really remember the walk and I certainly don't recall not listening to my iPod. I spoke with my professor and asked if I could miss class. He hugged me and said yes. I think he knew I was dealing with stuff and even if I sat in class, I wouldn't really be there.

I got home, took some medication and was pleasantly surprised to get a phone call from my friend. This is a friend I talk to every now and then, though we don't speak on the phone all that often. He made me laugh, put a smile on my face and brightened my night. As soon as I hung up with him, one of my good friends in Hawaii called me. I haven't spoken to him since October. I was so excited to talk to him and he put a smile on my face and had me laughing a lot, as well. After I got off the phone with him, I shopped a little with my best friend, and I got a phone call from one of my best friends who never ceases to make me laugh.

You know how they say "timing is everything"? It really is. The timing of these three phone calls was nothing short of a miracle for me.

I then headed to Waldenbooks to buy 4 books, 1 of which I desperately need right now.

What does tomorrow hold? I start counseling and I am scared as hell. But as my best friend texted me today, "It'll be ok." And it will.

My heart is racing and my mind won't stop thinking. I have a very important meeting at 10:30am and am trying to prepare. While searching through my things I came across some letters and emails and my English project dated March 20, 1996 about Animal Farm. I had to laugh because my my my, hasn't technology come a long way? While reading some of these letters and emails, I started thinking about my life now.

Had someone told me before the summer of 2002, that I would move to Pocatello and spend the next 5 years in Pocatello (with the exception of 11 months spent in Idaho Falls), I would have laughed. Had someone told me when I graduated from ISU in May of 2003, that I would still be in Pocatello in 2007, I would have laughed and perhaps shed a few tears! I could never forsee, as I ventured out to Idaho in July of 1999, that I would spend so many years here. I could have never known that some of the greatest people in my life, I would meet in Rexburg, Idaho Falls, and Pocatello.

My two best friends I met here; one in Rexburg, the other in Pocatello. One was my roommate (I, of course didn't meet her before we ended up being roommates through fate) the other was in my Statistics class. My other friends, the closest friends I have, I met in Idaho. And though I have had best friends who have come and gone, some abruptly, some slowly, I know that many of the close friends I have now will always be in my life.

After reading those letters and emails, most of which came from friends who are long gone, I came to the conclusion that in my life, it is my friends and family who are my foundation.

The revolving door for friends continues to move, but the foundation that has been built through friendships which sustain me and give meaning to my existence, is the most important thing in my life.

I guess I just wanted to blog about this because you don't know me unless you know how important my friends are. They have helped shape who I am and I wouldn't be anywhere if it weren't for the people who put up with me, help(ed) me, and have/had confidence in me.

Thank you, my friends (late at night, I get overly cheesy and affectionate, forgive me).

One of my best friends is moving away and tonight I said goodbye to her. I have known her since January of 2002. It was nice to see her but sad to see her go. Guess I better plan a trip to Dallas to visit her...I haven't been to Dallas since July of 2002 when I lived there for 2 weeks to train for Southwest Airlines. I also need to plan a trip to Missouri to visit my two best friends there...yeah, I probably overuse the "best friends" title, but in my head there is a hierarchy of best friends and each of them are my best friend in different ways.

I got into a huge fight last night with one of my best friends. The fight continued today where harsh words were exchanged. Tonight as I was at the store, I started beating myself up for how I am sometimes such an idiot and so narrow minded. I, all too often, view myself as the victim and often times fail to recognize that my actions, in fact, are victimizing someone else. I absolutely hate when people hurt my friends yet my own actions can be very hurtful. My friends are such an integral part of my life and I need them in my life, all of them, and there are a few of them I couldn't live without.

However, after I beat myself up for a bit, I realized that while it is important to always improve yourself and strive to be a better person, I think I deserve some credit for who I am as a person. As a dear friend pointed out to me, I surivived "the impossible." I have my quirks, I have my imperfections, but I am alive and I am, for the most part, a good person. I know it is difficult to be friends with me, but I can only hope any benefits my friends get from being my friend will outweigh the negatives and all the crap I throw at them...

So, my friend who is upset with me tonight, I love you and I need you in my life. Your friendship means more to me than almost everything else in my life. I am not perfect and there will be times when I will hurt you, but I promise I will try to be a better friend and let you be who you are and accept you for who you are.

I will end with one of my favorite quotes:

Charity is, perhaps, in many ways a misunderstood word. We often equate charity with visiting the sick, taking in casseroles to those in need, or sharing our excess with those who are less fortunate. But really, true charity is much, much more.

Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again.
It makes the thought of being a basher repulsive.

Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is
accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.

~Marvin J. Ashton