A Situation  

Perhaps the most accurate thing that has ever been written about me is that I "feel emotional pain exquisitely." The same person also said that the "smallest slight feels intensely painful." It's true, every word of it. What ordinary people see as nothing to be upset about, is something I see as deeply upsetting and personal.

Perhaps this explains my blow ups the last few weeks and why I just couldn't keep it inside any longer. For the last few months, I have encountered several "slights" and several acts of cruelty. I put up with it for a long time. I put up with it because I really felt that the benefits of putting up with it outweighed the costs. I put up with it because I was trying to be empathetic and sensitive to the other person involved. The empathy and sensitivity ran out last month.

There was an anger and hurt I was trying to suppress, suppress for myself and the other person, but I couldn't fight it any longer and I blew up, several times. I apologized after the first round because I truly felt that my actions couldn't be justified because of another person's actions and/or inactions. I was naive and stupid to think I had enough willpower to actually put those words into action, at least during this period of my life.

Nevertheless, I posted that quote from Theodore Roosevelt because I feel it applies to me in this situation. I did try. I tried even when my actions were rebuffed, criticized and ignored at every turn. I tried even when my heart was broken and my trust was shattered. I tried and I am damn proud of myself for it.