When plans change.  

I've been dead set on staying out in Washington D.C. ever since I lost my job. I just didn't think I was ready to leave, until the other day. I can't quite pinpoint what triggered it, maybe feeling the full extent of the nothingness D.C. represents now, but I felt this sudden and strong desire to move back to Seattle. I felt like I was ready. I had ventured out on my own at the age of 18 and seldom returned home for extended periods of time. Three times for a few months at a time in the last nine years, if I recall correctly.

I think my last trip helped me realize what I miss out on when I choose to see the world and grow up, on my own. I miss familar faces, home cooked meals, extended family, my pets, familiarity of surroundings, memories, my dog sleeping under the covers to keep warm, puppies and kittens, and the realization that I am not completely alone.

I go into the storage area where all of my stuff is in Washington and get so excited at what I have collected over the years. I cannot wait until I settle down somewhere and I can hang my diploma's up on my wall in their beautiful frames my dad bought for me for the last three of my four degrees. I cannot wait to have my stuff back. I cannot wait to have my winter, summer, fall, and spring wardrobes all together!

So I texted my mom a few days ago and told her I was ready to come back. Not necessarily move back into the family home, but move back to the area. The sad reality now has been the foundation of why I wanted to stay; there are just more jobs here. More professional opportunities to grow. My professional ties are here. A job I might get is most likely here and to start applying to jobs in Seattle would be a time consuming and potentially fruitless effort.

This job I might get would last thru November. I couldn't drive across the country in December. The time is now, or next year when I am most likely broke. I can't make the decision now, nor a week from now. I need time. I need things to sort themselves out and then everything will become clear again and the road will unfold before me. Until then I bask in the nothingness of Washington D.C.