Making Amends.  

As I get older and older, I realize more and more the importance of mending fences and moving on. I wish I could perfect this and that it was easy, but it isn't. I guess part of human nature is holding a grudge, wanting revenge, wanting vindication in the worst way, even when this desire for vindication hurts you and you alone. It's a poison you make but can't serve someone else, it is only served to yourself.

A few days ago I sent an email to a former supervisor I had who, I felt, treated me unfairly. I respected this person a great deal and being angry at her had consumed so much of me. I cannot say how good it feels to have one less person to be pissed off at.

I think what triggered this was watching tv and someone saying that it is recommended that when you need to say something to someone, you should write them a letter and even if you never intend on sending it, even if you think they will never read it, you should still get those feelings out.

One of the reasons I have supported certain politicians, or have been able to forgive certain people is because I believe in redemption. I am trying to learn that someone's mistakes or shortcomings don't define who they are or erase the good in them, just as I hope they understand that about me. For me this is especially difficult because I do something called "splitting," which I've written about before. Basically, I lack the ability to see the good and bad in people, I either see them as good or bad, not a mixture. So being able to see people for who they are, the good and the bad, the perfect and imperfect, takes an incredible amount of work for me.

So I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back for mending one fence. Only a couple more left???